The Pain of Loosing You
by Inu-yasha-lover-chick
Summary: Sometimes memories need to be lost, the past undone,But it isnt possible. Your only choice is to live with the pain of what ever the past may have caused, and move on with the future.(InuKag)


Here's my newest fan fiction. Ill update my other stories when I get the chance! Enjoy this one!!! And make sure you remember, always read what I write at the end!!! Okay, now to the necessaries then to the fan fiction!

-Disclaimer- Are you dense? Like I would be living in this crappy town if I _owned_ Inuyasha. ((Mumbles)) Idiots…

I remember the pain as I saw him pull her into his embrace. I knew what she was feeling, for I felt the same way every time he held me that way. I felt as though all the pain and turmoil in the world no longer existed. Felt safe, warm, loved, and I would feel like he had chosen _me_. But that was the difference between Kikyou and I. He _had_ chosen her. This time Inuyasha wasn't going to come back to me and say he didn't know whom to choose. This time he wouldn't comfort me if he saw me crying from the pain of seeing the two of them together. I tried to close my eyes, tried to look away, but my eyes refused to leave the horrible scene in front of me. Kikyou wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled against his shoulder. I hadn't even known she _could_ smile. Inuyasha spoke to her and although I heard what he said, I can't remember it. Or maybe I just don't _want_ to remember.

Inuyasha let go of her and turned to face me. I couldn't move. I wanted to, wanted to turn and run, pretend I had never seen what had just happened. But I couldn't. He turned to face me and I just stared at him, my eyes wide. I don't know what he said to me actually in words, I was too shocked to register it. But his eyes said it all, maybe even more. He wanted me to leave; he didn't want to ever see me again. There was nothing I could do to stop it. He had chosen. It wasn't me. It was Kikyou. I fell to my knees. I didn't want him to see how it had affected me. I didn't want him to know how much he was hurting me, no matter how kind his face was, or how calm and soft his voice was. But I couldn't stop it. The sob tore from my throat and I knew I was surly dieing. There was no way I could live through something as painful as this. I scraped my knees as I fell, but I didn't feel it. My sob was cutting my throat, but I couldn't stop it, I tried but they kept coming. And the tears, they kept coming and no matter how hard I tried they wouldn't stop. I waited for Inuyasha's strong arms to come around me and tell me it was okay. I waited, but he just looked away. Looked away to the worst person possible. He looked at Kikyou. I couldn't see my vision was getting to blurred. But I could imagine Kikyou's expression. It was cold and emotionless. The same as it always was. Why had he chosen her? Why had he chosen someone who could never love him as much as I did? Why was he doing this to me? Why could he not comfort me and make me believe that I could stay with him in this time that wasn't mine?

I somehow managed to stand and run away. A little late, but at least I got away before he could make me leave forever. I couldn't leave, not yet. I knew I would have to; there was no way I could stay there without Inuyasha. And he wasn't going to be with me. He was going to be with Kikyou. Oh Gosh. He was going to be with Kikyou. I was never going to see him again after I left. He and I would forever be a thing of the past. Literally. My heart stopped. Or maybe it just pounded out of my chest. I kept running until I reached Kaede's. She was nowhere to be seen. Or possibly my vision was so blurred I didn't see her while I was running. Sango grabbed my arm and I fell against her crying. I couldn't get the words out when she asked me what was the matter. It was to horrible to say. She patted my back hoping to comfort me. Any other time after seeing Inuyasha with Kikyou it would have helped. But not this time, this time it was different. He wasn't going to come back to me. I knew he wasn't coming after me right then. Any other time, but not now. Now it was to late. There was no way he could change his mind and come to me… Even though I would take him back.

-

I don't know how I got home that night. All I know is Sango had begged me not to go. I don't remember what Miroku and Shippo's reactions had been, which pains me more. Somehow I ended up on my bed crying. I wish I had stayed long enough to see Inuyasha one last time. But I didn't. They say you learn from your mistakes. But how I learned from that I don't know. I was never going to see him again. How can you learn not to repeat something again, when you're never going to get the chance again? I think sometime during that long night my mom or Sota, or maybe grandpa came into my room and tried to comfort me. But I can't remember. All I heard, all I saw, and all I felt, was Inuyasha and Kikyou. Inuyasha's voice talking to me without me knowing what he was saying. And pain. That was the worst. The pain. I clenched my head, I screamed, I hit my bed, blared my music. But the pain wouldn't leave. There was nothing to distract me. I know it sounds horrible, because you should always love your family more than your love, but the pain was worse than when I lost my father. That could be because I had been so young when he died, or it could be because I love Inuyasha more than anything and anyone. I don't know, and I don't really care to ponder that question.

-

I woke in the morning and groaned loudly. My head hurt horribly from crying. I had never had a hangover, but I imagine that's what it felt like. I opened my eyes and looked to the left at my bedside table. A glass filled with tea and a note. I slowly sat up and took the cup. Taking small sips I read the note. Before I could try to stop myself a sob escaped my throat. The well had caught fire suddenly with no warning. All that lay there now what ashes and a hole filled with it. So Inuyasha had made sure that I would never return again. Even though there was no possible way I could since I had left the jewel with Sango. But the well had held some comfort. Although I knew I couldn't return without the jewel, I felt I could with the well there. It was the only comfort. I drank the rest of the tea and wiped my eyes. Getting dressed I cried again seeing the picture I had taken of my friends back in the Feudal Era awhile back. Inuyasha sat in a tree frowning, Miroku stood beside Sango who both had wide eyes in amazement at my camera, and Shippo was holding up the crayons I had given him. Kirara must've been away somewhere, and Myoga was too small to see.

When I made it down to the kitchen my family was just finishing up lunch. My mother looked at me sympathetically and Grandpa looked up startled to see me. Sota raised an eyebrow. Questions were thrown at me. I couldn't take it. It was too much. My mom nodded her head to the door somehow knowing I needed to get away. Maybe it was because of how red my eyes were from crying, and the tear stains on my cheeks. I ran out side and went straight to the God Tree falling against it and hugging my knees to my chest and crying. It's amazing I had more tears left in me. I leaned closer to the tree, the only thing of Inuyasha I had left.

What was I going to do now? How was I going to survive without him? Even then I realized how dumb and desperate I sounded, but it's how I felt. Feel. I knew there was no chance of him ever coming for me. I looked towards my house. I didn't feel like home. It felt like a prison. In a way it was. I could never go back to what I had begun to call home… Had begun to call it that because Inuyasha had been with me. I had no home without him. I was stuck in prison and I was never going to get out. I had been sent a life sentence. There was no way Inuyasha was going to bail me out. There were only two choices with him. Either he had used the now full jewel to wish Kikyou back to the living, or he had gone with her to hell as he had once promised to do. I cried harder thinking of that. _Inuyasha in hell_. How could someone he loved do that to him? Even if I had died the same way as she had I would never do that to him. Nor would I ever be able to hate him. But even though it killed me more inside, I understood how Kikyou felt. I didn't want to understand. Didn't want to feel sorry for her for the pain she had suffered. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to be her. But I didn't, and I wasn't, and never would be.

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Well there it is, chapter one. Not as long as I had hoped (But there's always chapter two!) and not as nicely written either, but I did my best. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope I wrote well enough that you could feel Kagome's pain and put yourself in her position. If not, like I said, there's always chapter two!! Lol.:) Okay, if you want more of this fic, you know what to do. Remember, I don't update unless I get at LEAST 15 reviews. It's my new rule that started with Deadly Tears. Okay, well, time to post!! REVIEW!!!!! Anything you want to know about the fic ask in a review. Not positive Ill tell you if it might give away too much, but u never know! Until next time, Bye.

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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